The Letter
by NYT
Summary: Jarod allows his pen to say what he cannot.


**Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to the Pretender.**

Jarod snatched the page from the table, crumpled it and threw it in the direction of the trashcan. How did he start? What could he say to her? He couldn't just say it. Could he? He wanted her to know the truth. That's all he'd ever wanted for her—truth. He rested both hands on his forehead took a deep breath and began again. An hour later, Jarod shifted to the left, balancing on his elbow. Moments later, he shifted again twirling his pen in his right hand, _ again _as he stared, unfocused across the room.

"_Dear Miss Parker_

"_Dear Parker"_

Before the paper hit the bottom of the can, he was at it again.

"_Dear Meredith,"_

"_It's a beautiful name; you should use it. Parker seems wrong now_."

Jarod scribbled three simple, poignant words in the middle of the paragraph though they didn't make sense there. He stared at the words as though they were written by someone else. Then again, it seemed too big of a thing to say after condemning her family name. Jarod picked up a pencil and crossed out the phrase; it wasn't time. Not yet.

As soon as Miss Parker walked into her house she knew he was there. Without turning on the lights, she put down her bag, sat on the couch and waited. It wasn't long.

"Good evening Miss Parker. Long time, no see."

Miss Parker couldn't resist rolling her eyes. "Why are you here? What do you want?"

Jarod took a deep breath. She asked. This _is_ what he wanted, wasn't it?

Miss Parker stared at Jarod through the darkness. For reasons she didn't understand, Meredith Parker felt nervous. She had a feeling that something was different with her sometimes friend, sometimes enemy.

After a silence of several minutes, he answered simply. "I want what I've always wanted, a normal life with my family. I found my mother Miss Parker."

Miss Parker's eyes widened as a myriad of emotions flew through her head. His voice was flat; there was absolutely no emotion where there should have been. As gifted as Jarod had always been, Miss Parker was just as gifted in reading him, but not tonight.

If Jarod found his mother, why was he here? Did he have more information about their mother's relationship? Did she know something about the scrolls? Was he leav…no, she wouldn't go there.

Turning on the lamp next to the couch, Miss Parker looked into Jarod's eyes. Finding no hint of a message other than what he'd spoken, she responded with sincerity, "I'm happy for you Jarod, yet I feel you didn't risk coming here after all this time, just to tell me about your mother. Why _are _you here?"

Jarod spent several moments staring at his feet. He'd made the decision to see her weeks ago, spent days thinking about what he was going to say, _planning _then waited hours for her to come home. She'd given him the perfect setup, but somehow, he was losing his resolve.

The third time Miss Parker demanded an explanation Jarod turned his back to her and walked to the window in perfect imitation of his, well, Miss Parker.

"I'm here because I want," Jarod's voice was barely above a whisper, not as a deliberate act, but from anxiety. Nothing was going the way he'd practiced. After a short pause, he cleared his throat and found his voice. Turning to face her, he explained himself. "I want you Meredith. I'm here for you."

Miss Parker hadn't heard from Jarod in six months. She had not had any contact with him since his 2 AM phone call a few weeks after her return from Carthis. There were no phone calls, no red books, no lairs, and no leads—nothing until this moment. During his absence, Parker's emotions ran from missing his voice and wishing he would call, to wanting to choke him for disappearing, to wanting him to make a mistake so she could get him back to the Centre and get on with her life. And now, here he was standing in front of her in her living room, declaring …what exactly?

Though she'd known for some time that he held some type of feelings for her, his sudden reappearance and unexpected revelation left her stunned, but she would never let Jarod see her squirm.

With more than a hint of sarcasm, she turned on him. "Me? What, are you on a pretend as a federal agent you plan to arrest me for the Centre's crimes, or have you finally cracked?"

Jared blinked imperceptibly and tilted his head slightly as if contemplating his answer. Her response was not altogether unexpected. "I don't think so, though my father asked something similar when I told him I was coming here."

A smile slowly crept across Miss Parker's face, followed by a hearty laugh. "You're high."

Jarod flexed and unflexed his hands, trying to calm himself. He would have been disappointed, if she'd acquiesced easily, but he was frustrated with her flippant attitude. While he hadn't necessarily expected her to jump into his arms and yell, "Take me away!" he had expected some sincerity.

After a long pause he startled Miss Parker with the swiftness with which he crossed the room. Firmly grabbing her by her shoulders and Jarod plead with her.

"Leave the Centre behind. There's nothing left for you there, you know that. You've _known_ that." Jarod leaned in and looked into her eyes, nearly begging, "Come with me. Please."

Meredith Parker shook herself free from Jarod's grasp and took several steps backward, neatly pulling her gun from the side table. "How dare you! _Come_ with you? What do you think this is Jarod, some fairy tale where you swoop in and rescue the damsel in distress and everyone lives happily ever after?"

"No, Meredith." Jarod paused as her eyes widened at the sound of her first name.

"Don't call me that. You have no right!" As much as Parker wanted out, as much as she'd allowed herself to consider being with him, she never really expected this. After the long day, no after several long months of just keeping above water and out of Raines' and Lyle's way, her armor was starting to crack.

Ignoring her command and the gun pointed at his chest, Jarod continued in a softer tone. "It isn't a fairy tale or a game. I…" He stopped before the words slipped out. Instead, he once again removed the distance between them. Parker hadn't bothered to disengage the safety on her weapon and Jarod easily disarmed her, a fact that gave him some hope. He tossed the gun on the coach and again, grabbed Parker pulling her to him, their faces so close they could taste each other's breath. Miss Parker struggled briefly before Jarod held her firm though not arms length. His warm, soft tone from moments prior was gone.

"Listen to me! If you stay at the Centre, they **will kill** **you**! Maybe not tomorrow, maybe not directly, but it will take your life away." He leaned a little closer and whispered, "It already has. What do you have to show for the years of sacrifice and hard work?"

Miss Parker leaned away from Jarod's face and turned her head. Their proximity was affecting her in ways she didn't want to think about. She took a deep, steadying breath herself and turned back to face him, her mask back in place. "I have a corner office, the respect and the fear of an entire corporation. And more money than I can ever spend."

It was a weak retort and she knew it, but what could she really say? He was right; she'd gained nothing from her years at the Centre except an ulcer, migraines, and a long list of unpleasant 'conversations' with her father, Lyle, and Mr. Raines.

Jarod watched her in the moments after she spat out her "accomplishments." He knew she wasn't as confident as she let on; she was thinking about what he'd said. She looked pensive, almost sad and so beautiful. Jarod's heart was pounding as he held her. He wanted to comfort her though she wouldn't admit that she needed it. He wanted to pull her into him, wrap his arms around her, and just hold her. He wanted to…

His emotions took over while his brain was simming the possibilities. Before even he knew what was happening, his lips were pressed lightly against Miss Parker's.

She didn't move at first, shocked. When it hit her, she struggled to free herself only to receive a silent request to open her mouth. Despite her brain's caution the request was granted and Jarod felt Miss Parker relax in his arms.

Jarod wished he'd spent more time on his breathing exercises. He'd been waiting six months, no several years, for this and he didn't want it to end. Moments from suffocating himself, Jarod pulled away and smiled, before leaning forward so their foreheads touched.

Miss Parker held onto her prey reveling in the sweet kiss they'd shared. She had spent the past six months trying not to wonder what that kiss would be like.

Then, just like that, the moment ended.

Miss Parker jerked her head up and demanded that Jarod let her go. When the stunned man delayed, she ground her heel on his foot then pushed him away. With fury in her eyes, Miss Parker pointed to her door.

"Get out of my house!"

Jarod didn't budge.

"Now!"

Jarod still didn't move; he stood rooted in the same spot that she'd just left, staring at her in disbelief. "Meredith…"

Miss Parker held up her hand to forestall his comment. "Stop calling me that! I asked you to leave."

"After what just happened? I'm not leaving until you talk to me."

Fed up with having to explain herself and wounded by her own heart's betrayal, Miss Parker reached for her gun again. Before Jarod realized what she was doing, she had the barrel pointed at his chest.

Jarrod was crushed. Only moments before, he was sure that she would finally accept his offer, that she would finally leave the Centre and pursue her own dreams—with him. He stared at the gun. He was 99% confident that she wouldn't shoot him, but his self-preservation sided with the other 1%.

"That's is? Get out?"

Miss Parker avoided his eyes as she pointed towards the door. "You heard me. We have nothing to discuss."

Jarod hung his head and turned toward the door, Miss Parker close behind him. He slowly opened the door then turned toward her.

"After all we've been through, all we shared, that's all you have to say?"

"What are you waiting for lab rat? Go before I call a sweeper team to drag you out."

Without another word, Jarod reached in his jacket pocket, pulled out an envelope and handed it to her.

"What is this?"

Jarod looked up long enough for Miss Parker to see the glisten of tears in his eyes. "Goodbye Miss Parker. It's goodbye."

Miss Parker looked down at the envelope. When she looked up again, he was gone.

Sighing, Miss Parker slowly opened the trifold document and sat down...

"_Dear Meredith,"_

... Only to get up again. Miss Parker took three graceful steps to the window. The sun was just setting, creating an amber glaze across the Delaware sky. It was a beautiful night, though she didn't notice. She didn't notice anything beyond the ivory linen paper in her left hand. Her heart was beating so fast she put her right hand on her chest as though she could still it.

"_It's a beautiful name; you should use it. Parker seems wrong now_."

Miss Parker traced her finger across the letters in her name, stalling. She wasn't sure she wanted to continue. She needed a drink.

"_I love you." _

"She gasped slightly at the words, though in her heart she knew it. "He loved her. "_How could he possibly…Why didn't he tell me?"_

Parker sighed as she pushed the letter inside a book as a knocked interrupted her reading. The knocking became faster and louder as Parker made her way across the room. She opened the door with barely enough room for her own chin, greeting the intruder with her customary

"What?"

"May I come in? I need to talk to you."

"So what else is new?" Parker asked as she grudgingly allowed Sydney room to enter, her mind and eyes on the unfinished letter. Sydney closed the door gingerly and made himself comfortable on the couch.

"Jarod called to say goodbye."

"Goodbye?"

"He's found his mother. He has his answers. He doesn't need the Centre anymore. It's over. I doubt…"

"Over? The lab rat says it's over and that's it, you throw up your hands? I don't plan to let that sorry excuse of a brother beat me to Jarod. If I…_When_ I bring him in…" She sounded ridiculous even in her own mind, but the words spilled from her mouth a habit.

Sydney made it across the room in the middle of Parker's rant. "Parker!" If Jarod doesn't want to be found, he won't be. We both know that the only reason we've stayed this close is because Jarod let us."

"Hmph. I don't believe he's saying goodbye to you. He could never cut those apron strings. Not for good." _Please not for good._

Sydney looked down at his hands briefly before looking Parker in her eyes. "He isn't. He's saying goodbye to the Centre." Parker didn't miss the slight hesitation.

"What?"

"And to you. He's saying goodbye to you Parker." _He would never; he always comes back._

A little piece of Sydney's heart broke for his surrogate daughter as he watched her face work out what he'd told her. He'd played the part he'd hoped not to. Sydney was Parker's anchor and Jarod knew if she stayed behind she would need support. They both knew she'd never ask.

"Me?" Parker snorted. She had a sudden urge to bear her soul, to confide in Sydney, to tell him everything. _What do you want to tell him Parker? That you're afraid of losing control, of ending the chase, of losing Jarod forever? _Her eyes darted between Sydney and the book containing Jarod's letter.

"He gave me a letter." Parker pulled the missive from the book turning it in her hand. Sydney seemed somewhat taken aback by her suddenly calm demeanor after her earlier outburst.

"Then you do know his plans?"

Parker shook her head. "I'd just opened it when you showed up."

"Are you going to read it?"

Parker rolled her eyes as she answered with her customary scowl. "Are you going to leave?"

Sydney nodded in understanding. He reached to pat Parker's shoulder as he left then thought better of it and took his leave.

Parker poured herself a drink before returning to the couch. Twenty minutes later, the letter was sitting untouched on her lap. She was afraid of finishing it. That "I love you" was weighing on her more than she was ready to acknowledge.

She put the letter in a drawer, ate dinner, took a bath, and climbed in bed. After 10 minutes tossing and turning, pondering over and dreading the possible contents of Jarod's letter, Parker went back to the living room and curled up on her couch to read.

"_I love you."_ She read again. Those three short words claimed her heart, grabbed it, squeezed it and seemed to halt its beat. She couldn't get past them. She wasn't expecting it, not today, not in this letter. With a deep breath and cleansing sigh, Meredith Parker finished her letter.

_Dear Meredith,_

I_t's a beautiful name; you should use it. Parker seems wrong now_. _It saddens me that you're reading this letter because it means we're not together. There is so much I want to say to you, so much I want to share, but I will leave you with this: I love you.I think I always have. You are the first girl I met. You are the first girl who made my heart flutter, the one who make me feel things I'd only read about. The girl who gave me my first kiss. My first friend. You were the first girl I saw and I've often hoped you would be the last, but that isn't what you want and I want you to be happy. I've reached my turning point Parker. I hope one day you find yours. I will love you always._

_Goodbye Meredith,_

_Jarod Charles_

**Author's Note: **This is my first Pretender story. Love it? Hate it? Somewhere in the middle? Please review regardless. Constructive criticism is always welcome.


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